How To Face Your Fears

Don’t let the things that scare you rule your life

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia

What's your biggest fear? Flying? Flying cockroaches? Frenemies in your Twitterverse? If your phobia of creepy crawlies or public humiliation is starting to rule your life, it's time to do something about it.

Define your fear

What causes your stomach to churn, your hair to stand on end, your palms to sweat, your heart to hammer in your chest? Some people can't even tell you exactly what they're afraid of—even just thinking of the fear-that-must-not-be-named is already terrifying territory. But like in any battle, the first line of defense is to know your enemy.

Identifying exactly what scares you helps demystify your fear. Afraid of the dark? Pin down what it is that really gives you goosebumps—robbers, ghosts? Or what really scares you about social networking—trolls, identity theft, or unwittingly offending people? Knowing what you're up against can help you start dealing with your fear, like managing your Facebook security settings or checking the security of your home.

Remember, when defining your fear, determine whether it is rational or irrational so that you can gain control over it and keep it from blowing out of proportion. A little fear can be a good thing—it keeps us on our toes, keeps us from being too complacent, and reminds us to take proper precautions.

Trace the history of your horror

Do you harbor a childhood fear of clowns, policemen or baby ducks? Are you deathly afraid of swimming or speaking in public? Retrace your steps to the very first time the fear struck—if you need help recalling the incident, ask someone who was present at the time to recount the scenario (but with sensitivity, please). Painful as it may be, the past will help unlock the reason for your fright (some even go as far as hypnosis or regression!).

Perhaps your parents threatened to send you to the police station when you were naughty. Or maybe your classmates laughed at you during a presentation when you were still in school. Knowing the root of your fear, trying to understand it, and arming yourself with facts can help you manage your fear.

Taking the next step

Ready to face your fear? Sometimes, it just takes the courage to do the thing that scares you most in the world (jumping out of planes, smashing cockroaches, saying "I love you") to get it out of your system as quickly as possible.

In other cases, it helps to study your fear, arm yourself with information, and methodologically plan your attack. (Performance anxiety? Practice, know what trips you up, have a plan B for possible mistakes, and prepare yourself mentally for the challenge.) To avoid feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed by your fear, try to break it down and conquer it step by step. Take a pro-active stance and create a to-do list to manage your fear.

Desensitize yourself

If riding to the top floor in a see-through elevator doesn't cure you of your fear of heights, do it again and again until it feels as ordinary as brushing your teeth. Raise your hand in class every day, and pretty soon reciting will turn out to be fun instead of scary. Talk to the person you like, even if it's just a phrase every day, until holding entire conversations seems perfectly normal (and wonderful). Go up on stage to one of those rockeoke events in some bars, sing your heart out, and overcome your fear of performing. Don't you just love the adrenaline rush that comes from conquering your fears? Make it a habit to do something that scares you every day.

Have a safety net

When facing a scary situation, it helps to know how to calm yourself. Breathing techniques, soothing music, prayer (Psalm 91 is particularly effective), chamomile tea, hugging a favorite pillow…know what works for you, so you have a personal go-to method to slow down your heart rate when panic strikes.

Make it fun

Still can't shake of the fear of flying? Focus instead on how much fun you'll have at your destination, or imagine all the shops you plan to raid. Scared to quit your dead-end job to follow your dreams? Look beyond your fear to what you can accomplish. Rise to every challenge life throws your way, and let your passions motivate you.

And if the fear runs too deep and requires more than just mind-over-matter, you may want to get some guidance from a pro. These days, there's really nothing to be ashamed of visiting a psychologist or counselor to help you manage your fears and regain control of your life.

Perhaps the only fear you must pay attention to is the fear of regret. There's a line in a musical that goes: "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." And basically, it's fear that holds us back—fear of pain, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown…  Don't let fear rule your life and hold you back from happiness.

Editor's Note: Do you have other suggestions when it comes to conquering your own fear? Share it with us in the comments section below.